Just as your student may have experienced some culture shock while living in the host culture, a similar “shock” may occur when returning home. The following letter was written by a staff member after having two children study abroad to advise other parents about dealing with this reverse culture shock:
To the Parents of Returning Students,
I am writing to you as the parent of a two students who have returned from a study abroad experiences. Having worked in the Office of International Programs at Pitzer College for thirteen years, I had heard much about the issue of re-entry shock, a cousin to the culture shock that students experience while they are abroad. However, now I have witnessed it first-hand and would like to share some suggestions of ways to support your son or daughter through this transition called coming home. It is important to know that you and your student have already survived this at least once before, perhaps to a lesser degree, in that summer after the first year away at college. You probably had to get to know your student all over again and may have to do so again now that they have returned from abroad.
The most important thing I can convey is that no matter what your student is feeling, it is perfectly normal and to be expected. Everyone goes through the re-entry process in his or her own way and on his or her own timetable. For some, it might be an intense experience immediately upon return, Others may not really go through this until arriving back on campus next semester. For still others, there may be no visible signs or any noticeable reaction to a return home or only brief episodes of feeling out of place. Every student is unique and the experience each had abroad was exclusive to each alone and so too will be the readjustment process.
Your student will have changed from the person who boarded a plane just a couple of months ago. Most of those changes are to be celebrated however others may be unexpected and somewhat unwanted initially. Returnees may be unusually critical of things they found perfectly acceptable before. Students who were in developing countries may find American culture to be wasteful or materialistic and be shocked at the abundance we enjoy after living with people who live contentedly with very limited resources. One student in the past reported breaking into tears in the grocery store when she counted 26 types of barbecue sauce to choose from while remembering that her host mother had to worry each day about whether she would have enough milk for her baby. Having been abroad during the war in Iraq, students may be surprised at the change in our current American outlook while they were away- the US is a different place from when they left. Living in other cultures where the and hearing opinions on the war and other US policies, it can be a a bit disconcerting to be back home where polls show the majority of Americans support the war.
Students may want to talk at length about their semester away or they may feel very possessive of their experience at first, and may not want to talk at all or until much later. One student I worked with was dismayed to learn that her mother had submitted information about her semester abroad to the local newspaper. She wasn’t ready to share her experience with such a wide audience while she was still debriefing it herself. Later she was glad that her mother had done this, but it took some time. Just be ready to listen whenever your student is ready to talk or be prepared to be patient if your student needs some space initially.
For one son, it was unsettling to return during the holidays when family rituals that should have been familiar instead seemed strange and uncomfortable. He really was not ready to be around the extended family as we gathered together and he preferred time alone which was of course upsetting to relatives who were excited to see him. Another student I knew in the past expressed the same discomfort at a 4th of July family reunion that was held shortly after his return so this doesn’t only happen to students returning after the fall semester.
Students most likely had a few low periods while they were away but much of their time abroad was an adventure with something new to experience everyday. If your student is like most young adults I have worked with in the past, he or she didn’t do much sleeping or staying in one place. My son was very restless upon his return because our familiar (read boring) small hometown could not compete in the excitement department with all that his study abroad destination had to offer and where he was always on the go. Often you will find yourself being compared to your student’s host family or other people met abroad and somehow found wanting. This can be very perplexing but celebrate the fact that another family or group now appreciates the wonderful qualities you have always known about your student (and for which you can take much credit).
I don’t want the re-entry and readjustment phase to sound overly negative. This experience is simply one step in the process of development into a well rounded human being. I am very proud of what my children (or I should say “young adults”) accomplished abroad and both have grown immeasurably from their study abroad experience. One of my sons has had tastes have become much more sophisticated and I can’t believe that the sharply dressed young man who returned is the same person I had to beg to change out of the ripped t-shirt for a special event last summer! His worldview has been broadened and he has developed a new self-confidence and maturity that I am delighted to see. My other son discovered what he wanted to do with his life and now has a goal for his future where before he was completely aimless. Neither son would trade his semester abroad for anything nor would I.
Enjoy your son or daughter’s homecoming in the upcoming weeks and feel free to contact us if you have any questions about study abroad.
Cordially,
Neva Barker
